Shut Up, Typhon! (My Review of Immortals Fenyx Rising, otherwise known to me as Immortals Fenyx Falling)

I don’t usually review games I didn’t finish, and the games I do finish are the games I liked enough to finish. Thus my reviews are more positive than not. Makes sense, no?

The case of Immortals: Fenyx Rising though. 

Where I invested 42 hours. I couldn’t finish the game, but I played it enough to write a review. And I played it enough for this Breath of the Wild fangirl to be able to say that this game is not the Greek mythology version of Breath of the Wild. Sorry, but no. It is not. 

Without further ado, I present…

 …the one thing I loved about Immortals: Fenyx Rising and the ten things I hated.

The one thing I loved

  1. This game is lovely. Bright and beautifully colored. You see that picture of the Greek temple? The whole world looks like that. 

The ten things I hated

  1. Puzzles, puzzles everywhere. Let me tell it straight. Immortals: Fenyx Rising is not what I call an RPG. And it is not an action adventure game either. This is a puzzle game, and the puzzles are repetitive and boring. And they are everywhere. You move blocks onto buttons, and sometimes you shoot arrows. Usually flaming arrows. And always, always you jump platforms. 
  2. The. Freaking. Jumping. Now there are many awful things in the game. But this right here is the big king daddy of awfulness. It’s like this: Down in the earth are many shrines — ahem, “vaults of Tartaros”. Each one is made of platforms sticking up from a bottomless abyss, and yes, some move. Sorcery maybe, or some mysterious invisible machinery. Anyway, you have to jump. And jump and jump. And I am telling you, this will make you want to throw your controller out the window. Maybe the whole console with it, and the television too. 
  3. An open world, but no real feeling of openness. Everything here is densely packed. It’s like a Greek-mythology-themed amusement park. But without people. 
  4. Many of the game’s mechanics are shamelessly ripped off from Breath of the Wild. The game has puzzle dungeons, gliding, HP and stamina meters, climbing tower-like structures to unlock regions, and scanning and pinning. All of this, but none of the soul that made Breath of the Wild great. No breath and no wild! 
  5. No story. The people are stone and the gods are disempowered. You play as some sort of hero who is able to take down Typhon because… well, who knows why?
  6. No interesting characters. Just you and a few lousy gods and one Big Bad.
  7. And speaking of the big bad, omg…  Typhon! He kept talking to me! Something about being made perfect, blah blah. So annoying. I had to turn the sound off. 
  8. No towns. None. No inns, no beds, no meals. Lots of ruins but I guess nobody built them. A few people who have turned to stone or something. Weird. 
  9. The upgrades are slow. And don’t bother trying to shop, it is useless. 
  10. The jumping. I’m saying it again. Because on a list of hated gameplay elements, this one deserves to be listed twice. If not three times…
  11. The jumping. Trust me, you will be Fenyx Falling too. 

Trailing Sleeves is refraining from assigning a soup score to Immortals: Fenyx Rising because she actually didn’t see the end credits, and who knows? Maybe the ending is awesome. (I doubt it though.)

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